[Reflection] Walking Tall

Today marks the end of a season of waiting. For a year, I’ve been allowed to trust The Lord more than I’ve ever experienced before. Notice that I’ve been allowed to trust The Lord. I could say I was forced to trust God during a year’s worth of interesting circumstances, but that makes it sound like God doesn’t give us the option to follow and trust in His divine plan. We have two options in every situation: to follow, or not to follow. I could have easily wiped my hands of God when the going got tough, but pressure creates diamonds. This year has been a refining processes. I’m still flawed, but I walk taller and with more pep in my step knowing that God is worthy of unwavering trust.

If you asked me on December 15, 2012 how the next year would unfold, I would have responded with internships leading to full time positions, a cozy apartment in Austin draped with excessive decorations, and a comfortable salary. Today, I woke up on a pullout couch, am starting a new job in an unfamiliar place (which I’m ecstatic about!) and will be moving into an apartment with minimal furnishings soon. My cup overflows in ways I was not expecting, and I couldn’t be more thrilled that the The Lords plans trumped my own.

The heart of man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

My heart wanted comfort, The Lord wanted my trust. I haven’t seen my bed in a year. I’ve lived in a condo, the spare bedroom of a family’s home, and a photography studio. I’ve interned at a university and minor league baseball team. I’ve worked for a non-profit, wedding planner, and photographer. I’ve spent a week in a third world country. I’ve made life-long friends. I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve prayed. And The Lord has been trustworthy through it all. I’ve often sang “You are faithful,” and now my heart believes it. When I replay the events of this last year, I see God’s fingerprints in every frame. I’m thankful for every unexpected turn, every closed door and every moment I’ve had the option to stay in the boat or walk in faith across unchartered waters.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

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October 7th

I’ve dreaded October 7th for a while because it symbolizes the end of a chapter and a leap into the unknown. I’ve had a full-time seasonal job to occupy my days for the last eight months. A job with people I adore. A job that was joyful. A job that was fun.

October 7th marks the end of eight months of consistency. I’m not a huge planner, but knowing where I’ll be from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., Monday through Friday is something that gives me comfort. I’m surrounded by amazing people who encourage and support me in times of need, and fortunately I’ll be working part-time for an incredible woman of the Lord for the next few weeks. Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord who provides. I have income for another month as I continue job seeking and interviewing. PRAISE THE LORD!

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:19

But what’s next? That’s the unknown that sends chills down my spine because honestly, I have no idea. For the first time in my life, my next days don’t have a specific plan. I know what my passions are, and I know I am blessed with intelligence and useful skills. I have so much joy to offer, and I’m searching for the place where my passions and career ambitions intersect. Am I called to stay in marketing? Am I called to ministry? Am I called to write? Am I called to missions? Am I called to stay in Austin? These are just a few of the thoughts that launch me into a whirlwind of confusion over where I’m headed next. After the confusion sets in, I start questioning who God has created me to be and the purpose of my life. In these moments, I hear the sweetest Voice whisper in my ear that He brings peace, not confusion. The Voice reminds me that He has me in the palm of His hand, and He has plans for my future that were ordained before time. I find myself stepping out in blind faith, trusting that I’m not walking off of a cliff, but rather into a life lived for the Voice’s glory. The Voice overwhelms me with peace. The Voice brings me joy. The Voice gives me purpose.

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Here’s what I do know about tomorrow: it’s never guaranteed, Jesus is the same and my purpose to glorify Him remains. So cheers to what tomorrow brings, and the vulnerability of walking by faith, not by sight. It’s amazing to me that when we are most vulnerable, we are the most secure.